The Fallacy of “Completeness” Through Marriage
By Matthew Eloyi
From fairy tales to faith sermons, cultural scripts to cinema, one message has been echoed for generations: that you are not complete until you marry. Society has long peddled the idea that marriage is the ultimate seal of adulthood, the crowning glory of personal fulfillment, and the one true path to happiness. This belief (that one must be joined to another to become “whole”) is not just outdated. It is harmful, and it must be challenged.
The narrative of completeness through marriage creates an illusion that romantic partnership is the pinnacle of human achievement. It assumes that being single is a transitional phase, a waiting room where one is to sit patiently until a spouse arrives to make them “whole.” This concept, while romantic in theory, is psychologically oppressive in practice.
For many people, especially women, the pressure to marry is not merely personal, it is societal. Unmarried women in their 30s and 40s are often viewed with suspicion, pity, or outright contempt. Questions like “When are you settling down?” or “Haven’t you found someone yet?” are not innocent. They are loaded with judgment, implying that something is wrong with a person who dares to live independently beyond a certain age.
Men, too, are not spared. Though they may be granted more social leeway, bachelors are often seen as irresponsible or immature. The assumption is the same: that adulthood is incomplete without a spouse and children, and that individual ambition or self-contentment cannot substitute for marriage.
This pressure drives many into unions they are not prepared for. Some marry just to fit in. Others stay in unhappy marriages for fear of the stigma associated with divorce or singlehood. The result? Broken homes, emotional trauma, and disillusionment masked behind smiling family portraits.
The truth is this: you are already complete. You do not need a spouse to validate your worth or to define your identity. Fulfillment is a deeply personal journey: one that can be shaped by career achievements, community service, spiritual exploration, artistic expression, and deep platonic relationships. Marriage can be a beautiful chapter in life, but it is not the only chapter, and certainly not the entire book.
Many single people live rich, meaningful lives. They travel, build businesses, raise children, mentor others, and contribute to society in profound ways. Their lives are not a “waiting season.” They are not “incomplete.” They are simply charting a different, and equally valuable path.
The idea that love only comes in one form (romantic) and that validation can only come from one source (a spouse) is misleading. There is great power in friendships, in community bonds, in the self-love that grows from understanding who you are without external affirmation.
Popular media must also take responsibility. Too many films, books, and music lyrics present marriage as the ultimate “happy ending.” We need stories that celebrate independence, that normalise singlehood, and that portray happiness as a personal responsibility rather than a spousal benefit.
Religious and cultural leaders should preach balance. While it’s fine to uphold marriage as a sacred institution, they must also emphasise that those who are unmarried (by choice or circumstance) are not cursed, defective, or unworthy.
Parents, too, should resist the urge to make marriage the benchmark of success. Teach your children to be emotionally intelligent, financially literate, morally upright, and self-confident. If they marry, great. If they don’t, let them know they are enough — just as they are.
Let’s be clear: this is not an attack on marriage. For many, marriage offers companionship, shared purpose, and growth. But that must be a personal decision, not a public expectation. No one should feel pressured into a union to meet societal approval or parental desires.
Choosing to remain single is not a failure. It is not loneliness. It is not rebellion. Sometimes, it is wisdom. Sometimes, it is self-preservation. And always, it is a right.
It is time to bury the fallacy that people are incomplete without marriage. Our completeness is not tied to someone else’s presence in our lives, but to our own peace, purpose, and self-awareness. Let us begin to tell new stories — ones that uplift all life paths, honour all relationship choices, and affirm that every human being, with or without a spouse, is already enough.
